“Three, five, six!!” TheO lands on another ‘safe’ square and moves his yellow Chevy Camaro to number 27. “No Snake, Mama!”

Hal’s go – he lands on a Ladder and wizzes his red and white Speed Racer up to number 44. He’s grinning – he’s winning – again.

Today I’ve been playing giant Snakes & Ladders (thanks Nana!) with Hal (5) and TheO (4) for the first time – on a fabulous rug-size board, using their current favorite Hotwheels cars as game pieces. It’s a simple enough game – first one to 100 wins – up the ladders, down the snakes – but watching the boys learn and experience playing it made me realise quite how challenging and complex your own attitude to those metaphorical Snakes in your life can be.

First of all, there are the Rules. Do you play by the Rules, challenge them or do you prefer to bend and test them up to their limits? Or perhaps you just blatantly ignore them altogether? I wasn’t aware before this game that there were that many rules in Snakes & Ladders, but having to explain basic game etiquette, like taking turns and throwing the die rather than choosing the number you want and then placing the die on that number without throwing it, highlighted just how many rules we obey on a subconscious level without questioning them in the slightest. How many subliminal rules are we all following every day? Probably hundreds.

Then there was what to do when you had the good fortune to land on a Ladder. TheO wanted to randomly jump on the Ladders and climb the snakes of course, while Hal didn’t see why you couldn’t land on any rung of a Ladder to go up it, which I guess is pretty logical when you think about. Initially, Hal landed on more ladders than TheO, putting him well ahead.

As the gap became wider, their attitudes towards playing changed dramatically – TheO realised he was way behind and started complaining that it wasn’t fair – he got cross and not surprisingly, started trying to cheat to catch up; while Hal, spurred on by his apparent success suddenly changed gear and really started playing to win. Recognise that Victim mentality as soon as things start to feel a little out of your control? Or that Winner’s Streak feeling, when apparently it’s all going your way?

I say apparently though, because when you think about it, this game, and many others, is all about Perception. As I pointed out to TheO, even though Hal was in the lead, he had yet to get past the Huge Snake on the top row which if he landed on it, would send him almost all the way back to the beginning - so his biggest risks were yet to come. TheO could still win. But TheO couldn’t see it this way and lost his spirit to play. Eventually he stomped off in a temper, while Hal cruised to the finish line and won. The game is not lost until you decide it is, and then it definitely is.

Undeterred, I changed the focus by joining in myself (with my red Ferrari of course!) on the next game. Again, a significant change in Attitude happened, which determined the outcome. This time, TheO wasn’t the only possible ‘Loser’ as there were now two of us, so he relaxed and when he landed on a snake, he didn’t get cross – instead he had fun sliding down them making ‘weeee’ noises. Eventually, he decided that the Snakes were actually more fun than the Ladders and he lost interest in winning altogether – he was happier sliding his Chevy Camaro down the longest Snakes he could find.

Meanwhile, Hal’s competitive streak grew by having a new challenger in the game. He and I battled Racers and Ferraris at the top of the board, almost neck and neck. He was absolutely determined to get to 100 first, which of course he did. On the last row, he loved the risk involved in crossing the Super-Dangerous Snakes, grinning as he sailed past them. Earlier in the game, lower down the board he’d seemed more scared of them, even though he had less to lose – his confidence and expectation to succeed was definitely stronger by the end.

So, it was win-win all round – I had two happy boys, so I was happy; Hal had won twice so he was happy and brimming with confidence, ready for anything; and TheO, well TheO, as always has the perfect solution to everything – you just ignore the others playing this game and play something else instead – facing your Snakes and turning them into whatever you want them to be – slides or stripey ladders or whatever – and enjoying yourself as much as possible in the process.

So, remember, when you come up against some Snakes, however many there are, there’s always another way you haven’t thought of yet to look at absolutely anything…

Thanks TheO (again).